So today was…. eventful, I should say. I got out of bed quite late actually, compared to the last few days anyway. Sat down with my computer, noticed I had a nice comment on my last post. I don’t get many comments on my posts, so the few I get really does make me happy. So, basically tending my slight headache that I woke up with and pondering wether or not to go into the apartment to get something done, I was sitting in front of the computer not really doing anything for quite a while. Then suddenly, she came online – as I didn’t expect as she was moving today and had told me she didn’t know how she would be able to set up. Happy? You betcha!
So we chatted for quite a while, about her new home (well basically her old one, really), the apartment, my ability to be dominant or an authority figure, her ability to stand on her own legs, music (as always, today we talked about Nine Inch Nails for a bit though), ventilation systems and general everything and nothing. Then I went to my folks’ place for dinner with my other girlfriend. We had quite a nice time actually, I was discussing some future business ideas my father had with him, she was getting ready to stop smoking with a system called Dr. Kimo. My mom told her I was applying for a new name, which she didn’t know about. I think my parents found it weird I hadn’t discussed it with the woman I lived with.
On our way back home, she asked me in the car how I felt about us. I answered I felt it wasn’t going well, and that in fact I thought we should split up. I knew she didn’t expect that answer, and obviously this led to a long discussion when we got back home. I explained to her how I really love her, because she has been a huge part of my life for a long time, but that I am not in love with her anymore. I told her about my mixed feelings when she’s been trying to have sex lately, and that I felt it wrong. And we discussed my current ailment for a bit, and I assured her this wasn’t a result of that. Actually, I am feeling quite a lot better lately, although not entirely ready to say I’m all good again.
Then she suddenly asked me if I had met someone else. I couldn’t lie, in fact even the thought of my new love made me smile. And even though we haven’t really met yet, I answered yes – because I know what she wanted to know was if I had fallen in love with another woman, not if I had actually met one. And I am in love with another woman. She didn’t seem surprised at all, even though she said she was. So she asked for more details. I burst out laughing as she asked “Is it another man?” and I assured her it was another woman. She asked me who it was, and I answered that I wasn’t sure she would believe it if I told her. She persisted and I disclosed the fact that she doesn’t even live in this country. A smart girl put two and two together in a matter of nano seconds, I suggested she might have known, and she said she had no clue.
Within seconds she admitted to have fallen in love with another man, and told me she had buried the feelings a few days before my last breakup attempt some 4 weeks ago. It turns out it was a guy I know, and the funniest feeling arose in me – I was so happy for her, because he is such a nice guy, and I am sure he would treat her right. Anyway, I hope she decides to dig those feelings back up and pursue them, given a little time.
We went back to my parents’ place for a while and discussed our situation with them. They were astonished when they learned who I have fallen in love with, and my father knew I have been talking with her for years. He even assured me if I had really decided I would go for it, then it could work. All in all I think this was most important for my ex-girlfriend, as she learned she still had friends in my parents, and we all had a good long talk about the situation we find ourselves in. I think she needed a little help to get some perspective in things.
She asked me to stay home for one last night, she just needed a good friend to be close to. And I hope we can still be close friends even after this – futile maybe, still I’m the naive guy thinking it could work. We went home, had a long talk about tomorrow. She called up her mother and ordered some plane tickets, so she’ll be staying with her mom for a week. We discussed how to share our belongings. And we were both trying to make things work out as best we can.
She asked me if I had told my newfound love yet. “No,” I answered – I hadn’t, although I did send her an IM as it was beginning to unfold that I thought we were about to break up – and then my ex said the most fantastic thing.
I hope you will be able to make it work with her. Not that I care about her, I don’t even know her. But I really want the best for you.
I guess the guy who ends up with her should count himself the luckiest guy in the world. I know I am for her still wanting the best for me. I hope we will make it work, although it might look hard. I try to hear the benefits rather than listening to the cost, though. I hope she does too.
Yesterday I said the solution was simple, to just do it. Today I just did it. I am already excited about tomorrow.
