Archive for

July, 2008

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God – gimme a fucking break!

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I’m having a gazillion thoughts racing through my head at the moment. One of them is naming this post “Unconditionally destroyed” or “Unconditionally ripped apart”. At the same time I’d wanna call it “Unconditionally happy” or merely “No conditions”. Basically all these suggestions for titles evolve around the same thoughts and feelings, my unconditional love for a beautiful girl who has ripped me to shreds and still left me feeling happy. And yeah, I know she’ll read this, in fact she is the most active reader of my blog.

So, if I got this right, this is basically what happened;

  • She had a boyfriend who hurt her really bad
  • In her own words, she came to me for comfort and friendship and then somehow fell in love with me
  • I fell in love with her a long time ago and finally thought I had a chance of being with her
  • Her ex by now, discovered through the Picasa web gallery that we knew each other, and called her up in the middle of the night to find out what was going on
  • She still loves him, and he claims to love her still
  • In two days they catch up to where i thought we were at
  • When I try to figure out what she wants, she tells me I’ve made her feel really good for a long time, and that I make her feel cherished, loved and special, everything she has ever dreamed of – and that they never stopped loving each other

I kinda feel like I’m the third wheel on this wagon. I mean, obviously she has like a 3 year history with this guy, they’ve met (which we haven’t), he is also a student, she is into his country, they talk on the phone and stuff… with me, I think I’ll always be the guy that picked up the pieces to her, I am really afraid she’ll get back with him and get so hurt by it, and I seriously can’t take being the guy getting dumped every time this other guy suddenly wants her back. Because I know I will love her still, I’ll be there to catch her when she falls. And it makes me hate myself.

She told me she wants to say “yes please” to both of us. I think she doesn’t wanna hurt either of us. And I’m afraid I’m the one pulling the shortest straw on this one. If I were a christian, I’d stop believing in this second – I mean -

God – gimme a fucking break!

And if this is what she needs to be happy, then I am too. When feeling the hurtful feelings about getting dumped, I feel ripped apart, shredded. And then I feel the love I have for her, and the hurtful feelings just fade away…. never disappearing, just forgotten, hidden by the love I have for her. I knew the second she got online and told me he had called her in the middle of the night and waken her up, that I was in a heap of trouble. That night and the next day I felt like crap, right up to the point where I started thinking about me in this. I love her, I loved her when she was with him before, I’ll love her when she is with him again. I’m not sure if I’ll ever love someone else the way I love her. I’ve made my life work in a way before, and I’ll make my life work some way again, with or without her. I know now that I have experienced loving someone unconditionally.

Such a shame I have yet to experience being loved in the same manner.

Photos from Iron Maiden’s Oslo soccer match

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Team Maiden, with Steve Harris and Adrian Smith of Iron Maiden, played a friendly soccer game with a Norwegian All Stars team featuring Vortex of Dimmu Borgir, Apollyon of Immortal and Aura Noir and Erik Torstvedt, who used to be the keeper for Norway back in the day. The weather couldn’t have been better, it was darn hot (and yeah I got sunburned of course), and watching this game while having a few beers was just awesome. Oh and yeah, follow the link from one of the photos into my Picasa gallery to find more pictures!

Some photos from Iron Maiden at Valle Hovin, Oslo

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These are some pics I got from the Iron Maiden gig I went to yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn’t feeling too well, so I didn’t get up front for this one as I usually do. I managed to enjoy the show this way though, and I don’t think I would’ve if I’d been standing further up. Anyway, there are a couple of shots from the afterparty we finally ended up at.

Getting ready for Iron Maiden Oslo 2008

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So, due to the various not so lucky circumstances (i.e. me basically having no money these days), I had basically decided I wouldn’t go to any of the Iron Maiden gigs this tour. Anyway, yesterday my best mate rang me up, crazy that I wasn’t in Trondheim for the Iron Maiden gig at Trondheim Rock festival at Lerkendal, and throughout the day the texts and phones just kept on coming in. So basically I was really feeling messed up about not being there, my mom saw it, and decided to sponsor me with a trip to oslo. Now I’m just about to hit the showers, I’ll be on the train this afternoon headed for Oslo, and will meet up with my friends tonight and head out for the Team Maiden soccer match tomorrow at noon, then the Iron Maiden gig at night…. and return back home on Friday. Here are a few pics I took this morning to check everything was okay with the cam.

Compelled by the plan messed things up

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I think this will be a short post, even though I feel I’ve got a lot to share today. I’m just really, really tired.

Today I ruined a perfectly good surprise for my girlfriend. I’m so sorry baby! The first thing I did this morning (almost anyway) was to go to the mini mall 10 minutes from here, get the periodic control appointment for my car, and then I went and got myself an organizer, like I was trying to get a hold of last night. Then I went back home, watched my dad as he was painting the house, agreed to babysit my niece and nephew while mom was at the vet with her dog, and then went online to chat with my girlfriend. Quite happily I asked her if she could guess what I’d gotten today, and she got it on the first try. Then she told me she had found a Filofax yesterday that she thought would really be “me”, and that she kinda figured from reading my blog this morning that I was gonna get one. She even had tons of ideas as what to do with it, prepare it for me like. I can’t even begin to describe how that makes me feel, even as I’m writing about it now – and it was worse when I discovered what I’d just done. Again, I’m so sorry!

So anyway, we talked for several hours today, we booked train tickets for Leipzig together, and I finally got the airplane tickets to take me from Norway to Germany as well. We’ll meet up in Frankfurt on the 24th of September, which is about two months from now, and catch a train together for Leipzig. I am so excited about this, I can almost not bear the wait. At the same time I feel quite content, I know this will happen, and I’m enjoying every second we spend together online – even as much as I would love to be with her now, hold her in my arms and kiss her, hug her….

So in the evening I went to see the mechanic, we talked for a while. It got to be really late, to be honest. He and his wife are so nice, really taking an interest in my girlfriend, even though (haha, surprisingly enough huh?) haven’t met her or talked to her. I know they will probably be a bit shy to talk to her when they meet, as she doesn’t speak Norwegian, and they aren’t too comfortable speaking in English. Still, I also know they are really looking forward to meet her, even though there might be a language barrier there. And that is all I need to know, really, to be sure that it’ll work out. 

Oh, and I got an idea while there, to save her some rent some time next summer. Of course, it depends on how things turn out etc. I figured I could go there by car, help her get her stuff in the car, go back here, store the stuff somewhere, then go with her back to Taiwan. When we get back, pick up the stuff again, go back to Vienna, and then to the new apartment. Well, we’ll see about how it works out and such, it might be a good idea and it might be a really, really bad one. It’s still an idea though.

Okay, now I gotta get some sleep. I’m really tired. Good night, ya’ll.

The power of the plan

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So, today has been another fantastic day! I’ve finally figured out the basics of Final Cut Express (not that I’ve been spending too much time figuring it out I guess) and I’ve been chatting with my girlfriend for a while. Haha, yeah I even teased her for a bit promising her a couple of surprises for tomorrow and the days to come. So, guess I’ve got some work lined up ahead of me. Anyway, I went back to my old apartment and got a couple of books I once bought on movie production and video techniques etc. It is an interesting hobby, made all the more interesting that I know I’ve actually got an audience now!

I talked to my ex for a while as well today, we met for about an hour as she helped me out with something I needed done with my body. Turns out she’s decided she wants the apartments. So yeah, if I’m lucky she’ll be able to take it all, and I’ll have nothing that is really keeping me here if I should decide I wanna move sometime in the future. Also that’ll help out quite a bit on my monthly cash flow, which will be good, at least quite some time into the future.

I’ve been trying to find somewhere to get an organizer, a Filofax or something like it. Seems the entire Norwegian e-market is without a place where you can buy stuff like this. All the bookstores I found had books, and although I know for a fact the chains carry these products, there’s nothing on their websites. Guess I’ll have to actually go somewhere tomorrow to get one. Mental note to self: Selling organizers online in Norway seems like a business idea that can carry itself.

I was supposed to get drunk with my best buddy tonight as well, well he wanted to anyway. I guess having problems with transportation kinda takes the want out of me, he lives about a 10 minute drive from here which is about an hour walk, and let’s face it – buses and taxis aren’t exactly the easiest thing to come across here at night. We’ll get to it some other day I suppose.

Anyway, I just wanted to put down these simple tips for planning ahead, basically these tips are aimed at students I think, they still apply everywhere else in life though, so I kinda like’em.

1. Be honest with yourself

Rule number one is to be honest with yourself, and decide you can and will improve on yourself. Look at your mess and define why you want to clean it.

2. Have a planning day

Remember teachers have planning days? Create your own hourly schedule like you had back in elementary school, and prioritize properly. Planning sounds boring, it will get you more STGC (Spare Time with Good Conscience) when you’ve gotten an overview.

3. Get a Filofax!

This can become the bible of time in your everyday life if you use it wisely. Having all appointments, plans and deadlines physically written down and in front of you, can help you actually getting them done. It is wonderful to cross out those big, heavy assignments when they are done!

4. No heavy workloads the night before deadline.

Know which courses demand the most of you, and devote more time to them. Be careful not to push things ahead of you – not getting any sleep the night before deadline or an important event again and again because of unfinished, heavy workloads, will wear you out.

5. A clean home is a clean mind

Does your flat look like a bomb site? If you sit at home a lot studying, it is really frustrating looking at leftover noodles each time you go get a glass of water or a cup of coffee. Clean the place out properly before sitting down with your books. The smell of washing detergents increase motivation – honestly!

6. Learn some structuring techniques

Borrow a book or two which in detail explains how you can structure your life (making you better able to enjoy the non-structured part of it). The most important thing is to always know what you want and what you need to get there – on time.

I found these tips on a Norwegian website for students, called Studenttorget. I freely translated them into English, and I hope they don’t mind. I liked these tips though, this is basically stuff we all know, and I know I at least am one of those that are really poor at following through on it. Maybe I’m getting better as I’ve taken an interest in it, at least enough to write about the importance of planning in my own blog. As some wise guy once said;

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Show her you love her – today!

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So yeah, a day later than I hoped for, which doesn’t mind at all because she loved them – so I guess they could’ve been delivered at any time, really. I’m really happy with the flowers myself really, they looked so much better than I would ever have imagined from the site where I ordered them! And seeing her with the flowers like this…. I have no words :)

My baby and her roses

My baby and her roses

L, she wrote

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So yeah, she actually got it on Monday! And to be able to put together her surprise for me in return, she just couldn’t me know just yet. So last night, she finally sent it to me… a video from her day when she got the iPod I sent her. And time stood still.

Press Play on iPod
Press Play on iPod