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June, 2009

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June 26, 2009 15:50

Rest in peace, Michael

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by Paul Wicking    in Thoughts

Michael Jackson (50) died last night. The musician who was about to run 50 shows in a row in the same arena (02 Arena, London), a series of shows aptly named “The final curtain”. Seems Michael ended up pulling the curtains shut before the show went on.

As anyone would suggest, there is doubts about the real cause of death. There will undoubtedly be several interviews, documentaries and the likes over the coming weeks, claiming anything from Michael being the reincarnation of Jesus to the personification of the Devil. Michael, already deemed the greatest black musician by blacks, whom will become a white guy in the history books written by whites. Everybody will want a piece of Michael now, even the people who accused him of child abuse. I am willing to place a bet that today is the single day in Michael Jacksons entire career that makes him the most cash in royalties from his music being played on the radio and TV.

I salute you, Michael Jackson. You were a great musician who made music that touched the heart of millions of people. Rest in peace. My thoughts go out to your children, siblings and immediate family.

Paul Wicking.

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June 25, 2009 22:04

Some blasted, babbling thoughts

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by Paul Wicking    in Thoughts

I’ve had several ideas for a blog post the last couple of days, things that I want to write about. When I finally open Windows Live Writer though, my mind goes totally blank. Maybe that’s what happens during summer, a kind of writers’ block cloud covering the earth – it would explain how come the news keeps getting worse every day. VG even managed to create an article about an American senator, whose mistress is a 21 year old girl from Buenos Aires – they even claim she has two teenage kids! Norway must be a dull country for one of the biggest newspapers to spend time and money working on stories about some US senators personal life.

I’ve had several good talks the last couple of day, after my doc and I agreed it would be wise to stay at home for a bit to sort stuff out. I’ve found some good people to talk to about this and that, and also some with business sense who could relate to my ideas and thoughts about the store. It’s no secret that we’ve lost money two years in a row now, and that the losses have been quite substantial. Truth be told, I’m getting sick and tired of working my ass off for no good. I still have a sense of the spark in me though, hidden deep down inside somewhere, telling me not to let go. I really don’t know what’s the smart thing to do anymore.

My fiancée is still offline, which is driving me nuts – and at the same time actually feels good in a weird way. It feels good, because I can’t bug her down with my depressive crazy talk and general bad mood. II drives me nuts though, because – as I realized the other day – I’m missing my very best friend, the one I can entrust my most secret thoughts to. And I miss my wonderful fiancée. I feel like I have reached a point where that is now the most important. My fiancée. My beautiful girl. I miss her a lot, and I know spending time with her would make all the bad stuff disappear. Well, feel less bad at least :-P

Maybe that’s why I reacted so strongly to the before mentioned article in VG; they semi-quoted some email reputedly written my the US senator to his girlfriend, where he states that he miss her, that he misses her curvy hips and sensual, soft being. Like something I might write to my girlfriend, and if so would be meant for her eyes only. If the King of Norway writes something like this to his Queen, I wouldn’t want to know about it. Really. I think it is their matter, as it should be.

Even though it is just barely 10pm, I feel so tired I think I should head to bed soon. Tomorrow is my dads’ birthday, and I think my mom wanted us all to go out and eat or something. Besides, my mind gets quite boggled lately, and I tend to require a bit of sleep anyway. Peace out, y’all :-)

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June 21, 2009 00:15

blog-commerce – the battle of new vs. old

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by Paul Wicking    in Ideas, Thoughts

Blogs are interesting. They can contain various ramblings about what goes on in someone’s life (much like this one) or it can be a e-zine like thing, promoting products or services. It can be the work of an individual, in a form much like a personal diary – or it can be the work of several people and even organizations, political parties and the like, with an agenda of changing the course of history.

Bloggcamp 09 is going on these days, in Kristiansand, Norway – as it happens, my birth town. Verdens Gang, or VG for short, is covering the event massively, with live video transfers of the various seminars, interviews with prominent speakers etc. VG is one of the biggest Norwegian newspapers, and they have taken the new reality of the printed media seriously for years. They have expanded their website massively, adding VGTV (online TV coverage), VG Blogg (their own weblog service) and loads of other stuff to attract more users and readers, and to tie them in. Kudos.

I started using Twitter today, too. I opened the account last October, and never really used before now. I have a twitter account for the store as well, as twitter is one of the few social networking sites accessible through the corporate firewall. By doing some work, it maight be possible to start generating sales through that. Interesting. E-commerce is something I am quite interested in, I’m sure we will see a massive change in the coming 10 years, as we already have – a movement of wealth, the dawn of new industries – all of it at – literally – the reach of our fingertips. I’ve had some discussions with several business associates about digital distribution of movies, videogames and music – legal downloading of mp3’s, divX’s etc. I just can’t believe how some people seem to think the internet is not a competitor to regular stores?

I guess the fact that a lot of business owners – and especially small retailers – know little about the e-commerce industry and how it works, explains why so many seem to be blissfully ignorant about what is happening and how their business is threatened. I’ve lost money from the store – I know that e-commerce is part of the explanation why. Obviously there are multiple factors adding up to the total loss, some of it is poor decisions on my part, some of it obviously due to my health issues last year, some of it due to fiercer competition in the local market from other stores, and of course the global financial crisis has had somewhat of an impact. The funny thing is, most if not all of the reasons why the store lost money could in fact be handled quite well in an e-commerce setting without materializing as loss to the same extent.

And now, here I am, talking about blogs and e-commerce like I know a lot of either. I don’t. I know a tiny little bit about both. I know what I think about them though, and I know that I have no clue as to how they are going to evolve. I know that I want to be a part of it while it does though, because this is where the new meets the old, and this battle will be won by the new – no doubt about that. Those who cling to the ways of old will suddenly realize one day how they bet on the wrong horse, and how they missed their chance.

That’s what I think, anyway.

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June 18, 2009 19:46

Escaping

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by Paul Wicking    in Thoughts

Where do you go when you need to escape and you don’t really know what to escape from? When it follows you around, everywhere you go, anytime of day.Last night was terrible…. it’s like everything came down at once. The fucked up thing is, I was trying to pull myself together and trying to be …. fuck I can’t even remember the word I’m looking for in Norwegian, the only word that pops to mind is humiliated, which is far from what I was going for…. humble! I was trying to be humble and show appreciation and respect for my fiancée as she puts up with me and all my bullshit… it kind of backfired, I guess I was rambling on like a crazy person, making even her upset. She finally threatened that if I didn’t see a doc and fix this she will leave me. I can’t blame her, I know she’s had her share of shit before, and she doesn’t need this coming from me. And yes, I know you read these words too, love… I bet you are the only one that does.

Anyway, I could hardly get out of bed today, I think I spent an hour trying to muster the courage for it. My body felt like it was hit by a truck during the night, and nothing seemed to help, not food, not hot shower, not anything. I barely made it to work on time and had to drive to get there today. In the car I called my doc and asked him to make an appointment for me… and I think he must be getting old or something because he seemed to shift his idea of what we were talking about during the conversation. Seemed he suddenly thought I had like a flu or something. Trust me, this running nose has nothing to do with the flu. He made an appointment for me at 8:15am on Monday.

I’m realizing I’ve had these feelings for years, these situations, too. Now what the fuck did I do to deserve this? I must’ve done something baaad, real bad – in another life, another existence, another time, another life. Whatever the reason, I’m sure I deserve it somehow, that doesn’t make me feel better though. If anything, that thought makes me feel worse.

I left work at 6pm today. My shift was finally over. The last 3-4 hours felt like torture, and I’m glad I managed to keep myself from acting out too much. I know E realized something is terribly amiss, I got way too agitated from some fucking stupid thing at work, and I guess the way I talked about stuff made it clear. I know he’s seen me like this before. He’s doing a great job at the store. If anyone deserves praise for what that store is, it’s him, not me. His mom is supposed to come today, bringing a chair for him and some food. I think he told me this to inform me that I should eat with them. Or invite me rather. He even asked if I had plans of eating something straight away when I went home, suggesting I should wait till he got back with her. I said I probably would, as I was getting pretty hungry. I lied. I didn’t have any plans of eating anything. I did however, have a plan of getting out of there before they came back – I can’t even stand the thought of socializing with anyone right now. So I went back to the flat and cleaned everything, the kitchen, living room, bathroom… vacuumed all the floors, wiped the tables, turned the table cloth in the kitchen and started the dish washer. I even washed the toilet. I hope she feels proud of her son living in a tidy and clean house. And that he doesn’t fuck up by telling her it’s not usually like this. He deserves his mom being happy for him.

So that’s how I ended up sitting in my car, parked on the docks of the port of Bergen. I thought about calling Mac and check if he was alone or not, maybe going there and just hang out in his garage while he is working at something would be some kind of therapy. I didn’t. I guess if by chance he was alone at the time I called him, you can be sure as fuck he would have visitors when I got there. And I just don’t need any more crap from anybody so I decided to skip that. I thought about going to Jannicke and say hi, too. I didn’t take the exit though, I just went straight on. Then I finally realized I just needed to sit somewhere by myself. I need some time alone. Right now I don’t know what could make me happy…. when my fiancée sent me a text this morning telling me she loves me, something that would normally make my day, I just felt saddened. Sad because she suddenly felt the need to tell me. Sad that I couldn’t feel happy about it. Hating myself for not feeling happy about it, really. And sad over the fact that I’m so fucking divulged in my own self-pity and my own crap, that it felt mechanically when I answered “I love you too”. I do love her, with all my heart!! Sometimes it feels almost too much, even. I would give my life for her, and she knows that. These last few weeks though… I just…. I can’t even describe it. I hope I make it through tomorrow. At work. Then I can just go to bed and sleep the entire weekend. And not wake up until it is time to go to the doc’s on Monday.

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June 14, 2009 21:15

Mental housekeeping

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by Paul Wicking    in Thoughts

Watching a Norwegian movie called "Ti kniver i hjertet" right now, it’s running on national TV. There’s a kind of "Lynchian" feel to it. My neck hurts. I guess from sleeping too long… I just didn’t wanna get up, I was hugging my pillow dreaming of holding my dear fiancée in my arms. I miss you, baby.

I realized yesterday.. well over these last few days it has been becoming clearer I guess: I still have a tendency to get caught up in ideas, struggling with one thought blocking out all others. I wish I knew if there was a cure for this or not. The meds I’m taking sure didn’t fix the problem yet though. So I think I should make an appointment with the doc and discuss stopping the medication, as it isn’t working. It’s making me fat and sweaty instead (and to be honest, I’m not to crazy about that). These meds have the side effect that they make perspiration increase notably as well as weight gain. And, gaining weight also increase the perspiration (at least I think so), making the effect even worse. Gosh, this really sounds bad when I’m reading it, like I’m grossly overweight and sweating like a pig all the time LOL – it’s not that bad, but it is bad enough that I’m suddenly quite conscious about it, and that makes bad enough for me.

So, I’m going back to Taiwan in a couple of months, leaving on the 31st of August actually. I’ll be travelling with my fiancée, she’s coming here in a month or so and we can spend the summer together. As last time she was here I’ll still have to work, but this time I don’t have to spend a couple of hours driving back and forth in addition – and I think Åsane is slightly more exciting than Klokkarvik. I mean, Klokkarvik is the center of the world and all, obviously – but Åsane might be a pleasant change.

Seems like business is picking itself up at the store these days, although last summer seems to have been busier so far. We’ve been doing a lot of required changes lately, so Steffen and Thomas doesn’t work with us anymore. Steffen got a job at another Spaceworld store, Thomas is going to do his military service in a little bit and seemed happy to be able to enjoy his summer. Lisbeth is still with us and so far seems to be doing great. We’ve also moved around some of the stuff in the store, and I’m debating with myself wether or not to move the counter a little, too – actually, almost back to its former position.

Well, Poirot is on, and I’m feeling hungry. I’ll check back in before long, perhaps.

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