Granted, the guys were good. Really, their musicianship is definitely at the level it needs to be to be able to play a stage that big, with a crowd of that magnitude. And the most hardcore fans at the front of the stage did sing along, jump and scream. Still, they didn’t communicate well with the audience, and for some reason I felt like they were not having a good time. And with all the “tusen takk” (Norwegian for thanks a lot), Matt Bellamy turned from an attempt to please the norwegian crowd, into a sorry parody of an entertainer. The highlights were at the end of a bunch of songs, when they turned into doing rock’n roll riffs like ACDC and such to get the groove going. I almost felt sorry for them that they had to turn to other peoples music like that.

I realized however, that my mood went from party to aggression during the hour and a half the concert went on. And when the grand finale – Knights of Cydonia – started, and my girlfriend refused to get up on my shoulders, it felt like the intimacy I somehow needed at a Muse concert went down the drain. Of course, she didn’t know – and still doesn’t – what Knights of Cydonia meant to me, and I didn’t realize myself what it meant until a couple of hours later, on the bus going home. I guess the feelings that made my mood swing from good to bad were based on former expectations, lost joy. Somehow, I think there’s only one person that would understand this fully, and it sucks that I cannot figure out a way to explain the whole thing to my girlfriend in a way that makes sense, and that won’t hurt her feelings.

As the truth dawned on me however, it was like something was released inside me, and my mood went back to normal. I was even feeling happy, happy that I had figured out what was going on inside my head, that I no longer had a need for hurting myself anymore. When I got back, instead of pursuing my plan of wasting my mind, I just got something to eat, watched a couple of episodes of Heroes and went to bed.

All in all, it was a great day with a couple of hours of darkness. It granted me a new experience, the experience of figuring things out and understanding what had happened. I’m sorry that I let the confusion fuck up my mood and being a total ass for a little while to the people close to me, but I think that is now water under bridge. My girlfriend was way too understanding and forgiving – even though I never managed to explain what happened. She just…. hard to find the words, really. I love this girl, that’s for sure. And from how she treated me last night, I know she loves me as well.

Muse concert…. 3 out of 6. At least now I know spending money on tickets for a Muse concert is a waste, so I won’t do that again. If I get free tickets sometime however, I might go see them again. I wouldn’t bet on it though.

So much have happened since my last post, I’m not even sure where to begin. A year after a girl fell out of love with me, an new girl fell in love with me. And as luck would have it, I am totally in love with her also!!

She’s amazing, very complex personality yet still one of the most easy-going people I have ever met. And I have met quite a few people in my life. She’s a rock’n roll girl, into metal music, tattoos and piercings, and loves to travel. I never expected to feel like this again to be honest – and that it could be even better than what I had experienced from before, is something I am still struggling to believe. It just is. And this time, it somehow feels more real… not sure if I can really explain it. When she told me she loves me, I knew from the look in her eyes that she was telling me the truth, and that there was no other feelings than love in her heart when she uttered the words. It made me feel at peace for a change… It feels great to love!

I’ve recently been admitted to the Bergen University, so I’ll be starting on my bachelors degree this fall. 3 years of hard studies, and then hopefully I’ll be able to travel abroad for my Masters studies. I know exactly where to go and what to do, and I’m really excited about this opportunity! I guess my future blogging will be about my studies at times – and hopefully more about the bands I’m in also. I’m finally on the path to become a rock star! ^_^

And because she didn’t expect me to be able to, I’ll list 102 things I love about my girl:

1. Her eyes
2. Her smile
3. The smell of her skin
4. When she hugs me
5. Our kissing – my god it feels awesome!
6. The way she looks when wearing my red shoes having a cigarette on the porch at night
7. Sex
8. Butterflies
9. How easy she makes it look to keep my place organized and tidy
10. The way she looks at me
11. When she wakes me up to let me know I’m snoring
12. Watching her work. She is good
13. Surprising her – and letting her know she’ll be surprised in advance
14. Dinner and a movie
15. We actually date
16. How easy-going she is
17. She runs to the rescue when an old women falls on the rescue – before others even realize what has happened
18. She tells the bus driver off for driving like a crazy person
19. Her dialect and tone of voice
20. Asswipe
21. She hates kids
22. “Awww, look how cute that kid is”
23. Honest
24. 3 rings
25. Sail Away
26. Her tattoos
27. Her piercings
28. Her makeup
29. Her without make-up on
30. The natural beauty of her face. I can look at her for hours on end
31. She’s into Gojira
32. My hero
33. The way she keeps a journal, just like me
34. Barbequing
35. Getting drunk together on a night out
36. How she always keeps introducing me to new people
37. Introducing her to new people
38. Liquorice
39. Watching movies cuddled up on the couch together
40. Bra – or no bra, really
41. On my shoulders at Rammstein. ‘nough said.
42. Okay, not enough said – she tittie-flashed the band!
43. She thinks I’m a good guitar player. God bless =)
44. She smokes a brand of cigarettes that doesn’t make her mouth taste like an ashtray
45. Her style
46. Her hair
47. Her hands
48. How she’s made serious changes to make her life better
49. Her photos – the ones she takes, that is
50. Her photos – on my iPhone
51. iPod happiness
52. She’s down to earth
53. She’s a dreamer
54. Oboy
55. The way she holds a cup when sipping coffee
56. Her hearing. Or that she’s practically deaf on one ear. Go figure.
57. How she encourages me to try new places to go
58. She’s part of my winning team
59. We look amazing together
60. Sexy underwear
61. Sleepyhead
62. 7 orgasms
63. How hard I had to work to get her to date me
64. Iron Maiden
65. Infected Mushroom
66. She doesn’t think I’m crazy at all
67. How she actually googled me and discovered my blog
68. Note on a pillow
69. Accepting I won’t accept being pushed away
70. She lets me help out when I can. And lets me know when I can’t.
71. She actually thinks I’m good for her. And her friends are equally bewildered!
72. 3-person meal and a doggie bag
73. Holding hands
74. The look on her face when she got flowers for the first time of her life
75. The funny way she trips away when there’s a wasp, bee, tiny spider or ant around
76. Her almost inaudible squeel when I kiss her ear
77. WOW does she look AMAZING!
78. Her lyrics
79. Her drawings
80. Her way of keeping memories
81. Totoro!
82. History
83. Her sense of fairness and how she hates inequality, disrespect, and discrimination
84. Her bracelets and necklaces – that NEVER come off
85. Mena.. meta… maleno… melanoni…. me…. hmmmmm… meeelaaaatooooniiiin?
86. She knows absolutely NOTHING about cars!
87. She LOVES Harley Davidsons!
88. The way she makes me feel when she tells me she believes in me – in her ways of doing so
89. Inside Burger
90. Professionalism
91. Patches
92. Boxer shorts
93. She convinced me to keep the Blob
94. She pushes me to practice my guitar
95. On her 1-10 scale, I’m 15
96. She doesn’t compare me to anyone or anything, and I compare her to my own standards – she exceeds them in every way
97. Moreller
98. Bicycling on a weekend trip together
99. How easy it is to talk to her – and how she listens to me when I need to talk to someone
100. She thinks the original iPod earbuds are great
101. She wants to hold on to me as long as she can
102. I want to hold on to her as long as I can

I guess 103 would be “How fast I could write this list”. Bet you didn’t expect that, did you?! ^^;

Very inspiring band meeting today. Went straight home and started working on some of our music, and realized how much I need to keep working at it. Very enlightening for sure! And also motivating, when I discover on my own what I can do to make the band better as a whole.

Interesting talk with this girl I’ve met lately as well. Seems she cares a lot, although we’re not romantically involved in any way. She felt upset that her sms somehow never reached me on my bday. I got a few sms actually that day. Kinda wish I didn’t though. I’ve never enjoyed my birthday, and whenever people talk to me about it I try to avoid the subject. I know they mean well, I just feel sad about it all for some reason. I guess I don’t have a lot of happy memories from that day. I’ve no idea why it is so. Something to talk to my therapists about I guess.

Meds seem to work well… one exam in June and then fingers crossed that I’ll get into the university. And that I’ll be able to attend.

Anyway, head empty, bed isn’t. Night night, mind.